Control

It seems the older we get, the more we try to assert control over our world. For the longest time, I made that mistake, as so many of us do. Sure, there are many things that are easily controlled. Nothing wrong with organizing, categorizing, and putting things where you believe they should go.

The operative word here is "things." Where control gets tricky is when you deal with those animate objects and other people that have minds of their own. That's when control becomes a losing proposition at best and an impractical, energy-draining pursuit to boot.

We try and sometimes succeed in training our pets to follow our commands-- again, a type of control. But when we attempt to apply training, rules, and restrictions on our children and our loved ones (partners, elder parents, even friends), we discover-- and often encounter --limitations almost instantly.

It's hubris to think we really have control over others. We're not monarchs or dictators who reign over a serfdom of subjects who are incapable of thinking for themselves. We're not living in the Middle Ages when most people couldn't read and write, and think critically.

Now, when we insist on asserting control on those who have a will, then we're merely fooling ourselves, expending energy on a useless pursuit.

Ironically, as an educator, I frequently made the mistake of trying to control my little piece of academia-- i.e., the classroom of students. Silly to think I really could. I should've taken my old 4th-grade self as an example. When Mrs. Hodges told us to sit still and keep quiet, I had the audacity to rise up and speak my mind... and get caught. Well, back in Pembroke, Kentucky, at the rather unassuming elementary school I attended, that was grounds for capital punishment: "Grab your ankles and bend over!" And the paddle was crafted from a hard wood, like hickory or oak, and holes were drilled in strategically, making it easy for the air to pass through as the paddling administrator (usually the vice-principal) launched the tool three times onto your buttocks. You were "brave" not to utter a peep and still manage to sit back down in your seat.

And what did this accomplish? Very little to nothing. Nonetheless, people have this innate and foolish desire to want to control their world. Men, of course, are the worst. But women are certainly not immune. Truth is, we fool ourselves into thinking we have any kind of control. Just how much do we have control over? Really, not very much. Interestingly enough, however, it's by relinquishing control that a person experiences peace and freedom and a certain level of joy.

So, after many years (too many to count), I found that the "right" way to help people see things "my" way is to be sincere. When you're being kindly persuasive and convincing, very few people are going to argue with you. Those who do are just stupid, or so you can think that. But add to your argument, compassion and caring, and people you love will listen and make up their own minds. They'll act of their own volition regarding what they want to do for you, for themselves, and for the world around them. And you'll be helping them make good decisions for themselves, to better themselves. Isn't that what you wanted to accomplish in the first place?