Insomniac's Thoughts

[J Calvin] [3:49 AM] [Fri, Feb 17, 2017] sleep escapes me, very elusive. 2-3 hrs at a time, if that. reminds me of how hard it was for me back in HS and college. by far, however, eating right poses the greatest challenge. lost some 35 lbs since last August. i can tell the toll that that's having on my body and mind.

[J Calvin] [3:54 AM] i can't expect my elderly parents to help out all that much. and my teen daughter, though concerned and supportive, is too impatient and self-absorbed to adequately care for me. doesn't help at all that they've all been sick with cold, flu, and the many other travails of mortals.

[J Calvin] [3:59 AM] quite frankly, i really feel like i have to carry most of the burden of care myself... my family seem to do what they can, but it's wanting. my friends come visit me sporadically. time with them lifts my spirits, and i genuinely feel the love. at least when they're with me, their attention and focus is on me. not so bad being at the center for a little time. but i'm sure it's taxing on them, nonetheless. but hey, they can always go back to their own version of reality. personally, mine sucks! and i'm not about embracing the suck every day. hard enough tackling it in the moment.

[J Calvin] [4:08 AM] i was thinking about some of the things we should ALL experience if only once in our lives. before this illness came upon me, i thought getting sued was definitely something we should all experience. now i can safely add 1. get arrested, 2. be incapacitated, 3. suffer from thirst and hunger, 4. recover from major surgery, and 5. be dependent on others for just about everything. all these force a person to appreciate what s/he has and not take so much for granted. very humbling.