4/22/1991 - Cold. Dogwood winter, so they call it. Many things left undone. And I'm being silly. I know the seriousness of some of the stuff I have to do. But being this worried is stupid. I mapped it down a million times in my head: I want to live and have more experiences before I call it "a life." There are so many things I want to do. But there are certain limitations in my current condition, or position, to recognize what it is I have to do to achieve success.
I need to make a bunch of compromises in order to coexist with those around me. No matter what the difficulties, I have to stop blowing things out of sensible proportions that will clearly intimidate me in the long run.
Confidence! Damn it!! Leave the suspicions to those who wish to be suspicious. There are people in many more dire situations than I. So, I've got to be positive. There are too many kids in similar positions who lose faith and decide too early to make unreasonable, even harmful, limitations on themselves. I've got to be patient, got to be wiser, and sometimes even cautious.
Gotta keep telling myself, I AM talented; I have some worthy, redeemable qualities. I'll make it if I keep those in mind. Expressions of cocky bravado and cleverness can be dangerous. I know. Proposals on what to do are often pointless. I've got to be more practical and smart about the decisions I make. But for now, I'm just so disheartened by the insecurities I've formed. Well, I am human, still very much a child. I have to deal with shit and move on. I need to lighten up emotionally, get that mood going the right way. Stop being so overbearing on me, me! Calm down, don't break down.
I need to make a bunch of compromises in order to coexist with those around me. No matter what the difficulties, I have to stop blowing things out of sensible proportions that will clearly intimidate me in the long run.
Confidence! Damn it!! Leave the suspicions to those who wish to be suspicious. There are people in many more dire situations than I. So, I've got to be positive. There are too many kids in similar positions who lose faith and decide too early to make unreasonable, even harmful, limitations on themselves. I've got to be patient, got to be wiser, and sometimes even cautious.
Gotta keep telling myself, I AM talented; I have some worthy, redeemable qualities. I'll make it if I keep those in mind. Expressions of cocky bravado and cleverness can be dangerous. I know. Proposals on what to do are often pointless. I've got to be more practical and smart about the decisions I make. But for now, I'm just so disheartened by the insecurities I've formed. Well, I am human, still very much a child. I have to deal with shit and move on. I need to lighten up emotionally, get that mood going the right way. Stop being so overbearing on me, me! Calm down, don't break down.
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